Chapter 1

Her face tightens in more ways than one. Holding back all of the love,anger,hate,and joy she has felt this last summer. He softly runs his fingers against the tensed muscles that run along her jaw. There is something so familiar, so comforting, so right about his touch she cant help but to collapse into his arms and let her face sink into his chest. She allows the glass cover on her eyes to explode into a waterfall of tears. He doesn't know what to do but just hold her close and softly lull the familiar tune of a song, their song in fact. Ahh, yes their song. The one they spent numerous hours listening to and thinking about. A smile spreads across his face. "Tyler!" She manages to say through her short wispy breaths. "How are you smiling. Especially right here, right now. How?" Tyler Pulls her close and wipes the streaming tears from her cheeks. He takes a deep breath and releases with saying " I love you Anna. Always have, always will." With what she feels she has secret permission to let everything come out, so she cries even harder. Tyler leans in and kisses her through her tears never wanting to let go, knowing Anna was the girl for him. He wanted all of her, from the beautiful brown in her eyes to the little freckle she has on the inside of her right ankle. She hated it so much, but to him it was something he thought was really sexy. To know that she may have even the slightest imperfection on her soft velvet skin was comforting. Now sitting here with Anna in his arms he knew she was way to good. For him and the world. He could never leave her. Even when such a tragedy like this one occurred. He wanted to be there through everything. "gosh Anna! I love you he said. She looked up, eyes puffy and pink. He couldn't resist. Even with all of the commotion, the sirens, the people, the cars, he leaned in to kiss her once more. This time more tenderly and passionately. Both of them sending secret messages stating they wish they had a pause button. Not because this was the best kiss they shared. But because they didn't want to have to deal with what the feature would bring. Tomorrow to be more specific. Tomorrow was so close, but so far far away.

Footprints

The glass cover on her eyes shatters into a thousand broken tears.
What seemed like only a second ago she was full of joy.
Then you walked into her mind.
So unexpected, so infectious you spread throughout her.
Like footprints on the moon, you will forever remain in her heart.


For you who may never see this, I LOVE YOU!! My sister, my friend, you are there for me when i need you. This is souly for you. I dont like seeing you sad it makes me mad and sad! You are amazing and i Love you *** ******!! <3 your sister :)

Her true colors

When she looks at him she thinks of what it used to be, not how it is now. When he looks at her does he really see everything? Does he see they way her eyes sparkle in the sun showing her true colors. Her sense of humor, her beautiful smile, her genuine heart. Or has he just grown so used to them he ignores how great she actually is. How lucky he is to be able to hold her. Too bad she is way to good for him, for this town, for the world.


To Her,

I am glad we have become friends and i really like talking to you :) Oh i wrote on you like you asked haha, sorry its about ..... but i didn't know where to start. You are wayy to good for him and i just thought i would let you know that.

<3 Me

She used to sit so high in my head, up where her space is now filled. Now she has drifted so far down, to the point of no recognition. I remember the little girl who played house with me, who created millions of creatures in her head to add to our own little world. Now as i look at her i dont see that. I see a girl not knowing what she wants and getting caught up in life, in his life. Away from us all. Floating farther away, into different parts of the world we created day by day year by year. But i cant go to the parts she is drifting to because she made them alone.

13 reasons

When the dirt blankets her it buries her deep.
As tears bleed out of dry eyes they water the new found flowers.
Know one knowing what happened to her.
Not knowing why she would do such a thing.
She had her reasons.
13 to be precise
But her reasons are just as good as my 13 reasons. But my reasons are the ones that tell me never to give up!! :)
1. My mom. She doesn't know it but i love her so much and couldn't leave her.
2. My dad. He is awesome and so funny he inspires me to do the best i can.
3. My brother, who is annoying but i would never in his adolescent years want for him to experience seeing me like that. i even hate it when he sees me cry, it makes me feel younger than him.
4. Ashley. She is such a pretty fun friend and has been a support center for me when ever and i feel i have kind of done the same. she is someone you want to be there for and with.
5. Sam. She is so happy go lucky and can always make you smile. She knows when and what to say when you need her to say it. It is great i have her there for me.
6. Galen. So outgoing and fun i can always know i will have a great time with her. It is hard not to and i love talking with her and i hope the same both ways.
7. Kim. She is my big sister. I want only to try to live up to her and to be the best i can be. I want to try to stay with my decisions and support her. She does so much of that for me.
8. Chelsey. aww cousin. Little sister i love you more than you know and i want to be there for you to ask questions to and have sister fun. I would feel like i was letting you down if i gave up.
9. Stephi. Little sister you are so amazing and i feel the same with you as Chelsey i just couldn't let you down. It kills me when you cry. I dint want you to ever be hurt.
1o. Someone who has hurt me and made me feel amazing all in 20 min. I can never give up on something or someone i cant go a day without thinking about.
11. Michelle (aunty) I love talking with you and feel so much love around you. I have to fill the big shoes you give me. You think so much of me i would never want to let you down.
12.Any one and everyone who walks in and out of my life. You all tell me a different story each inspiring me in different ways, but all equally amazing :)
13. Last but not least me. I have such high expectations for myself and i would not want to let any of you down but if i gave up on my self i would go against my thoughts and values. It would be weird and wrong.

Those are my 13 reasons not to die but to live and carry on. All of these reasons have made me laugh and cry, smile and be angry but i would not trade any of it. You have all made a difference in my life and you are all who i think about when i think about giving up. Even on something as little as a test or not wearing my seat belt. I think of you and you inspire me to be me :)

Figure Skating:)

Figure skating show this weekend!!!!!!!!!! Ah i am nervous but very excited. It is going to be a great show i hope you will all come and watch as us skaters take the ice and present our show called blades on Broadway:)

The slap that creates the pools blood and black

A natural high, making my heart beat faster, my tears grow so dense. Not knowing a single thing, not even myself. I am lost in a world full of inbetweens. These people not knowing either. Trying to find themselves. Trying to learn how to please not everyone around them but how to please their own desires and their own dreams. An overwhelming feeling of panic makes me cough and i revisit the tastes and the smells i had taken in around noon. The feeling of numb moves from my lips into my nose and through the rest of my face. A lack of oxygen causing my body to quiver and tingle. Not feeling like doing anything but staying in this place, my tree, and weeping. Knowing that when you look at me you see a perfect girl. One who is nice, pretty, outgoing, and smart. Knowing that when she looks at me she sees a good student, her body and bone, someone she loves. Knowing that when he looks at me he sees a pretty face, someone to mess with, and someone to protect. But the only one seeing past my smile, the one seeing the lines of dry tears that run up and down my face, the only one looking into my eyes to see my heart is you. My savior, my God. You are the only one i have right now so please don't slap me down deeper into the dark. Pull me into the light of your love and let me shine. For i wish nothing more than that right now. To not worry and be happy. Not being slapped by words or actions, which pull me into the black of my heart. I want to shine. But Lord, i can wait for today and the rest of the night i will send my prayers to those who need something the most. I can wait until you call upon me, i just hope i am not eaten alive by the darkness. Here to suffer in my own pools of blood and black.