I am through with you and your lies. You and your hearts manipulative style. I am done complaining. I am done, and now I am gone..

Stars in the Black Sky

When my world is dark enough, that's when i really see the stars.
The people who divide me in two.
The ones who break me apart until it hurts no more.
The friends that mend my broken soul, my broken heart.
Those who can see right though my smile.
The smile so fake i choose to wear.
To cover up my hurtful and truthful despair.
They are the people to break my walls.
My friends are the ones who hold it all.
They let me crash so i can learn to fall.
To then only pick me back up and help me stand tall.
I know who is really there when it comes to the worst.
And in these moments their stars shine and burst.
With light so pure, so peaceful, so calm.
I am comforted easily and i have not a worry at all.
So bring on the dark I am ready to see.
Who will shine so bright, shine so bright for me.

To Hell And Back Again

Feeling so lost, so hurt, so torn, i sit here in silence so broken and worn.
Yes you have suffered so much from this too, but when ever i think about anything at all, your name comes up and the walls start to fall. My barriers break down and the littlest of things hurt me. I am on fire in a place so hot and so forein. my face turns red causing my fragile eyes to burn. This is the journey i have endured more than once that's for sure. And again i will go out and explore. My best description is simple its only 12 words short. Its like a walk to hell, all the way there and back.

Chapter 1

Her face tightens in more ways than one. Holding back all of the love,anger,hate,and joy she has felt this last summer. He softly runs his fingers against the tensed muscles that run along her jaw. There is something so familiar, so comforting, so right about his touch she cant help but to collapse into his arms and let her face sink into his chest. She allows the glass cover on her eyes to explode into a waterfall of tears. He doesn't know what to do but just hold her close and softly lull the familiar tune of a song, their song in fact. Ahh, yes their song. The one they spent numerous hours listening to and thinking about. A smile spreads across his face. "Tyler!" She manages to say through her short wispy breaths. "How are you smiling. Especially right here, right now. How?" Tyler Pulls her close and wipes the streaming tears from her cheeks. He takes a deep breath and releases with saying " I love you Anna. Always have, always will." With what she feels she has secret permission to let everything come out, so she cries even harder. Tyler leans in and kisses her through her tears never wanting to let go, knowing Anna was the girl for him. He wanted all of her, from the beautiful brown in her eyes to the little freckle she has on the inside of her right ankle. She hated it so much, but to him it was something he thought was really sexy. To know that she may have even the slightest imperfection on her soft velvet skin was comforting. Now sitting here with Anna in his arms he knew she was way to good. For him and the world. He could never leave her. Even when such a tragedy like this one occurred. He wanted to be there through everything. "gosh Anna! I love you he said. She looked up, eyes puffy and pink. He couldn't resist. Even with all of the commotion, the sirens, the people, the cars, he leaned in to kiss her once more. This time more tenderly and passionately. Both of them sending secret messages stating they wish they had a pause button. Not because this was the best kiss they shared. But because they didn't want to have to deal with what the feature would bring. Tomorrow to be more specific. Tomorrow was so close, but so far far away.

Footprints

The glass cover on her eyes shatters into a thousand broken tears.
What seemed like only a second ago she was full of joy.
Then you walked into her mind.
So unexpected, so infectious you spread throughout her.
Like footprints on the moon, you will forever remain in her heart.


For you who may never see this, I LOVE YOU!! My sister, my friend, you are there for me when i need you. This is souly for you. I dont like seeing you sad it makes me mad and sad! You are amazing and i Love you *** ******!! <3 your sister :)

Her true colors

When she looks at him she thinks of what it used to be, not how it is now. When he looks at her does he really see everything? Does he see they way her eyes sparkle in the sun showing her true colors. Her sense of humor, her beautiful smile, her genuine heart. Or has he just grown so used to them he ignores how great she actually is. How lucky he is to be able to hold her. Too bad she is way to good for him, for this town, for the world.


To Her,

I am glad we have become friends and i really like talking to you :) Oh i wrote on you like you asked haha, sorry its about ..... but i didn't know where to start. You are wayy to good for him and i just thought i would let you know that.

<3 Me

She used to sit so high in my head, up where her space is now filled. Now she has drifted so far down, to the point of no recognition. I remember the little girl who played house with me, who created millions of creatures in her head to add to our own little world. Now as i look at her i dont see that. I see a girl not knowing what she wants and getting caught up in life, in his life. Away from us all. Floating farther away, into different parts of the world we created day by day year by year. But i cant go to the parts she is drifting to because she made them alone.

13 reasons

When the dirt blankets her it buries her deep.
As tears bleed out of dry eyes they water the new found flowers.
Know one knowing what happened to her.
Not knowing why she would do such a thing.
She had her reasons.
13 to be precise
But her reasons are just as good as my 13 reasons. But my reasons are the ones that tell me never to give up!! :)
1. My mom. She doesn't know it but i love her so much and couldn't leave her.
2. My dad. He is awesome and so funny he inspires me to do the best i can.
3. My brother, who is annoying but i would never in his adolescent years want for him to experience seeing me like that. i even hate it when he sees me cry, it makes me feel younger than him.
4. Ashley. She is such a pretty fun friend and has been a support center for me when ever and i feel i have kind of done the same. she is someone you want to be there for and with.
5. Sam. She is so happy go lucky and can always make you smile. She knows when and what to say when you need her to say it. It is great i have her there for me.
6. Galen. So outgoing and fun i can always know i will have a great time with her. It is hard not to and i love talking with her and i hope the same both ways.
7. Kim. She is my big sister. I want only to try to live up to her and to be the best i can be. I want to try to stay with my decisions and support her. She does so much of that for me.
8. Chelsey. aww cousin. Little sister i love you more than you know and i want to be there for you to ask questions to and have sister fun. I would feel like i was letting you down if i gave up.
9. Stephi. Little sister you are so amazing and i feel the same with you as Chelsey i just couldn't let you down. It kills me when you cry. I dint want you to ever be hurt.
1o. Someone who has hurt me and made me feel amazing all in 20 min. I can never give up on something or someone i cant go a day without thinking about.
11. Michelle (aunty) I love talking with you and feel so much love around you. I have to fill the big shoes you give me. You think so much of me i would never want to let you down.
12.Any one and everyone who walks in and out of my life. You all tell me a different story each inspiring me in different ways, but all equally amazing :)
13. Last but not least me. I have such high expectations for myself and i would not want to let any of you down but if i gave up on my self i would go against my thoughts and values. It would be weird and wrong.

Those are my 13 reasons not to die but to live and carry on. All of these reasons have made me laugh and cry, smile and be angry but i would not trade any of it. You have all made a difference in my life and you are all who i think about when i think about giving up. Even on something as little as a test or not wearing my seat belt. I think of you and you inspire me to be me :)

Figure Skating:)

Figure skating show this weekend!!!!!!!!!! Ah i am nervous but very excited. It is going to be a great show i hope you will all come and watch as us skaters take the ice and present our show called blades on Broadway:)

The slap that creates the pools blood and black

A natural high, making my heart beat faster, my tears grow so dense. Not knowing a single thing, not even myself. I am lost in a world full of inbetweens. These people not knowing either. Trying to find themselves. Trying to learn how to please not everyone around them but how to please their own desires and their own dreams. An overwhelming feeling of panic makes me cough and i revisit the tastes and the smells i had taken in around noon. The feeling of numb moves from my lips into my nose and through the rest of my face. A lack of oxygen causing my body to quiver and tingle. Not feeling like doing anything but staying in this place, my tree, and weeping. Knowing that when you look at me you see a perfect girl. One who is nice, pretty, outgoing, and smart. Knowing that when she looks at me she sees a good student, her body and bone, someone she loves. Knowing that when he looks at me he sees a pretty face, someone to mess with, and someone to protect. But the only one seeing past my smile, the one seeing the lines of dry tears that run up and down my face, the only one looking into my eyes to see my heart is you. My savior, my God. You are the only one i have right now so please don't slap me down deeper into the dark. Pull me into the light of your love and let me shine. For i wish nothing more than that right now. To not worry and be happy. Not being slapped by words or actions, which pull me into the black of my heart. I want to shine. But Lord, i can wait for today and the rest of the night i will send my prayers to those who need something the most. I can wait until you call upon me, i just hope i am not eaten alive by the darkness. Here to suffer in my own pools of blood and black.

I had a really long weekend but it was very fun!!! :) now for school tomrrow.. i swear the only thing that gets me through the week sometimes is the next weekend ha

6.8 Billion

Out of 6.8 billion she just wants 1 to dream of her

Out of 6.8 billion she just wnats 1 to embrace her

Out of 6.8 billion she just wants 1 to love her

She wishs she could hold you close and feel the slight breeze of your breath on her cheek, the one that lets her know you are alive. The one that tells her you are here and she is not alone. Something beauitful. But most nights she harldy sleeps becasue her life is quiet, only hearing the the huffs and puffs of her own breath growning louder and louder. She trys to escape to a dream land as she crys herself into a hushed silence. Her eyes eventually close. Not long after they close, they open. Only to see what she saw on the back of her eye lids, you not there. Not with her. Waking up to the harsh reality of alone. Letting the enhanced beat of her heart produce a river of tears, just to repeat the process over again. Not being able to talk, or just cry to someone. She is going to fall down and he, or she will not notice. Neither will you. You didnt notice her when her plane crashed after you let go of the stearing. You cant expect her to think you will notice her when she falls into a pit of dark silence. She will survive, but not with your help.. Because you arent the one out of the 6.8 billion for her. And she will be LOVED.

The Best Detour

"Life is funny sometimes, once you let go of the wheel you might end up right where you belong." -Brittany Murphy in the Little Black Book.

Foot on the gas pedal, wheel in hands, feeling as if you don't exist in time or space. Life providing such a rush, a natural high. An escape from the world. But what do we learn or even remember from these moments? We are going to fast to pick anything up and change it for the next time. We never catch the little moments that sometimes matter the most. So as you drive through life take your time and don't be afraid to take a detour. It may be the best decision of your life.

Someday i will fly with ease

As i am flying, spilling over the very edges, tears bleed out of me. I dive deep down with wings to heavy to bear the weight any longer. Why did i drag myself to the deepest and darkest parts of the oceans? Was it because i thought you cared? My eyes are now so heavy they fall down my face. So tired, so lifeless as i walk through the halls. Hating myself. Feeling alone. Woundering why i persisted, when in the back of my head i guess i always heard the voice of doubt. I just chose not to listen. I hurt myself the most. I should of second guessed myself. But i went and i took the jump head on. I have no regrets, no remorse for these decisions. Just a broken heart. A head full of things, true and untrue. A case of the good angel bad angel going on. Telling me what they think not what i just cant say. I have a case of the blues. So someday i will fly away with the one i choose. But right now i will dwell on this branch that broke so eaisly. I will sit on the edge and look down at the broken pieces and think until i can pull myself to leave. Until i find a new branch to build off of. A new part of my tree a new part of my life. Someday i will fly with ease so just dont you worry about me.

She doesnt even know

She doesnt even know the things i see in her. The things i see going for her. The smile she smiles is so precious i want to keep it forever. She comes off so stong, so kind, so thoughtful. But inside is where she truly hides. She hides her thoughts and just throws on that smile again and again. When i know she has a soulful mind full of amazing things. She has a beauitful life full of love and pain. Her humor and smile covers this up to those around her. But when i look deep into her eyes i dont just see stunning pools of brown i also see who she truly is.. The Amazing, awesome, kind, caring, stong, peaceful, loving, heartbroken girl wanting to escape. She looks so untouched, but what i know is that she has seen and heard more than anyone would imagine. She has been to far away places unknowen to all. She has been touched and she has touched. She has touched my heart from so many different angels, directions, and so many sections. She is such a beautifuly stunning person. I just wish she would get to know this, get to kow what she means to me and others whos hearts she has touched, whos lives she has changed. Her life is beauitful and she doesnt even know it. She doesnt even know she is breath taking and that is something I KNOW will never change. She is truly stunning and some boy will see that in her one day. She will love like no one else and will recive what she desrves. She just doesnt know it yet. She just doesnt know that she is going to be super women balencing the weight of the world with ease. She doesnt know what i see in her. She doesnt know she will conqure the seas. She doesnt even know what she means to me. She will find out soon enough its just right now things are rough. In the end it will all be ok because she is one to fight until she gets her way. She doesnt even know the things she will accomplish the things she will do. She doesnt know that they will be amazing and she doesnt even know that this could happen today ...

She is gone, gone into the sea.

She is gone. Gone into the sea. Gone, so deep, so far that we cant reach her. We can recover bits and pieces of her but we will never regain what she once was. She has been washed through and thorough from the big wave that has captured her. This changed her. This changed me. This changed how we both see. Some may say this wave of water has cleansed, has renewed us. It has ripped us to different parts of the sea. West and East. WE will always be millions of miles apart. Never being able to swim that far. No matter how strong we are, there will be a hole. We may reach shouting distance but then another wave will come and take us. Take us in opposite directions, leading us different ways. We will cross paths soon enough. We just may not recognize each other. Because the truth is there are many waves that conquer us. Push us closer or farther away from what we have, what we want, who we are, or who we aren't.

so theres this girl... haha (swim gag gifts ha)

So there is this girl.. and she means a lot to me
She is like my sister is what i have come to see...

So theres this girl.. who knows just what to say
When i am crying becasue i have had a bad day

So theres this girl.. who says her eyes are so ugly
when i know they are filled with love passion and are chocolatey

So theres this girl.. who knows struggle and pain
but i know she will ignor that and search for her gain

So theres this girl.. who i am going to miss a ton
when she goes off to college and has a lot of fun

So theres this girl.. who has been an influence in my life
for just being herself and doing what she thinks is right.

This girl doesnt believe she deserves what i tell her. This girl also doesnt quite get i am not the only one who thinks these things. She walks through life making it look so easy. She is truly an amazing person and I hope she somewhat gets what she has done for me and others someday. :)

If only the wood pecker sang.

She tries to hide what she cant from me. I know her to well. The face she puts out when something is wrong ,or right. I see something in her that he will never, until he sees like me. I see her radiant smile. i know that it is not only her smile but her soulful chocolate eyes that hide the 7 wounders of the world, and are what draw him in. If I dig deep into those chocolate pools I see passion, i see love, i see struggle. I see this with my eyes sealed. The intricate work of art god has made. But all he sees a brown eyed beauty. If he truly knew her, he could tell me with not only his eyes but his mouth shut, all that i know. He could tell me that she was the only one for him right now and that she was stunning. But yet he stares into her light. Eyes wide open looking right at that beauitful face. He doesnt know half of what i wish he would. He just needs to take a second and try to find the 7 different wounders she hides deep, deep inside of her eyes. If only he could see like me. If only the wood pecker sang.

Her tsunami of love

Her tsunami builds the closer it gets the bigger it is. It grows stronger to the point where it envelops her. Soon she is drowning. Drowning in what some may call her blood, the thick red passionate flow of blood. But she considers this her love. Her love of many miles and thousands of twists and turns. As she sends her deep thick passionate love out of her heart she receives some from the hundreds of purple faced boys. These boys only give her half of the love she deserves. Their love is sent very blue and untouched. But when it reaches her heart the love of those boys deepens. They grow attached. They become inf actuated. Then they drop her. Almost like they never touched her. This is the story of the girl who taught those boys to love. The story of the girl who always will send her everything out. This girl feels like she can write a new story every time but it never fails. This story replays every time. She doesn't realize that there is one guy out there that will give her the exact passion she seems to supply every time. That there is one guy will will stay attached and stay inf actuated. One other tsunami that will take her over and drown her with love. This, this is the day she will feel like she can breathe again. The day she will live again. And the day she will be loved.

I had a ton of fun at winter fest ! the DJ sucked but i didnt really care ha!:) i stil had alot of Fun!

she comes crying to me telling it all
showing me that she is not always a rock
because she does fall.
these days i feel like she throws on a smile like she throws on her shirt.
she walks out the door to just get away
and when she knows no one is looking
this is when she starts to hurt.
whats she supposed to do when she is all choked up and hes ok?
i dont want her to push her feelings deep down and away.
he has left pieces of him inside of her heart
but these dont help they just rip her apart.
i wish she could see what we see in her
a fearless girl who doesnt know what shes worth.

Ah ...!! Time for gale Nelson Haha

Ah ! Math with Sam !!!!! Kill me please ha ! Just kidding she is really helping me a ton !!

Still up on new years haha!!